I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
