My Higher Power is John Stamos
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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