I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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