it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Randomize
