i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
