I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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