nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
