Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
