I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
