My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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