you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
