I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.