im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
