he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
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I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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