And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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