I heard we made out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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