Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
