And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize