sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are we still banned from the library?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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