so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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