i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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