Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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