Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
