For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize