apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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