There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
