we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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