when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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