You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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