No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
