You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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