At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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