I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
