I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
