Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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