at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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