He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
