jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
