When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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