so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
