Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
