he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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