I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
