So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
