Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
