In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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