I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
