why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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