The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The uberlube is also flammable
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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