I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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