I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
