Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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