well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
