her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
