I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
