it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
