I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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