Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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